GHOST TROPIC

promises.

Jan 13

I love you

Is just that thing you say when there’s really nothing else you wanna say. It’s an escape route, it’s the enemy -

a pretense

It’s not asking why it’s not enough. Or when

is the last time you needed to touch those fingertips. is the last time you were hungry for that voice, that familiar feeling. Or proclaim secretly to yourself

shit,

this love shit is delicate

Instead of saying it, you should hold it and make sure that it’s still there.


Dec 25

"Remember when this was our song?

Remember when I was still allowed to post on your facebook?”


Nov 12

Escape Route

Can I escape from my house to yours?


Nov 11

Sex Walking

I thought that maybe it was triggered by the happiness. As in “our collective happiness”. If I was a spiritual person I might believe it a testament to our “us”, getting closer to the non-divide between psyche and physicality.  Women who really love crystals would surely have better explanations than I.  Maybe I felt that we were cosmically aligned.

We are so happy that it only makes sense to find each others’ bodies in the night.

I am about to describe a phenomenon. I need to do this delicately, as not to give off the wrong impression. This “it”, I will compare to “Sleep Walking”, but where it’s not walking at all - but really “Sleep Fucking”. It is “Sex Walking”, because that title feels or sounds more appropriate in whatever way my mind sets these things up. It’s the “S” replacement word, really. 

It:

It started with the wet dreams.  We both had them.  Some wild mysticism propelled us both into the realm of nocturnal climax while we held each others’ bodies in still motion. Then our eyes opened. It was strange, but fun. Neither one of us had ever had those type of dreams before. A dream - amen?

And then began the dream sex or the “Sex Walking” - waking up mid-coitus, sloppy kisses and nonsensical, yet sexual sleep talk. 

I wanna sex.

It’s probably happened many times and we just don’t even know. Never woke up. Slept right through it.  Last night when I woke up it was in the warmth and frenzy of sex, but he didn’t wake up until moments later when he came.  That is also a thrilling element to this “it”, the complete randomness of waking up or not waking up. Or watching him sleep while grappling my breast, or imagining the vice versa. Some sleep fetish shit.

I thought it was pretty spiritual until Today.

I realized that it has nothing to do with happiness.  We both might be suffering from sexsomnia, which can be readily treated by benzos.  We both might be suffering from something worse.  We both might be done with cognitive, present sex. We both might be done.

Today, he mentioned off-hand how the special quality of “this”, might not be as special as I thought it was. 

I wonder if the dream sex will replace the real sex.  


Nov 10

So What

And don’t skulk away
again.

Sometimes when I type too fast (and now that my nails are too long) my signature of

"xo xo xo" turns into "so so so"


Nov 9

Exercise


Nov 8

Missed Opportunities.

I told him to text me something romantic and two hours later I get:

"My power has been shut off."

——

My mom keeps calling asking about my missed opportunities and it can’t be anything as tragic as my missed connections.  Because I’ve only been with one boy who has a whole catalog of past Craigslist ADs.  The rest of them just have their EXs names written down over and over again on notebook paper that they insist upon planting under my mattress.

And, every night that they are too tired I think about the notebook pages. My mind wanders to absent encounters and changing phone numbers.

Those women must know them so much more than I do. So in defense of our ignorance, I’ll call up some stranger and reiterate

how nice it was to finally catch up.


Gus:

  • "If you're talking about God then you are In for a world for hurt."

Nov 4

Acknowledging Ex-Lovers

It’s kinda funny how we know not to go there, but then invariably get there and then are forced into confronting the destination.

It’s like being on the train and never once looking out the window.

Craigslist Missed Connections:

I didn’t get to see your faced when you fucked me.


Nov 3
fullergoeasy:

Learning About The Internet

Hi old man.

fullergoeasy:

Learning About The Internet

Hi old man.


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